A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat
on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy.""Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted
by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was
lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen
bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm
it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm
and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the
bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him!
The Morals of this story:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions. " The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit! Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
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